“But
for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God
caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took
one of the man’s ribs and closed up the
place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out
of the man (Treat her as your own flesh), and he brought her to the man (GOD brought
her to him/you).
The man
said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called
‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh” (NIV
Ge 2:20-24). Becoming one flesh is not something that instantly happens, as we
see from the word “become.” This word implies a process of something, or that
the concept of being one flesh takes time. One would naturally think that to
become one flesh would most likely involve time, patience, good and bad times,
etc. Psychologically speaking, there are five things one should keep in mind
while seeking a mate. I’ll explain one of those right now, just to elaborate a
bit on “good and bad times.”
The
aspect of one’s social life comes to mind. It is really quite simple: The idea
is that when a person has a mate in mind, he or she is advised to consider how
the other person will fit into their life socially. It would seem right to ask
oneself a few questions in order to understand the logic of this madness.
“Since I am an extrovert (for example), am I ok with my girlfriend being an
introvert?” In other words, will I be ok with her desire to be at home all the
time, when I am out living it up with my buddies, and on the other hand, will
she be ok with the same thing? The thing is there is no wrong answer. It is all
decided by the couple and the individual. So, to become one, a person would
have to go through the process of understanding whether or not he or she is
comfortable with the love interest’s position in a social setting. Sometimes
going through these processes can seem good or bad or both.
“The husband should
fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The
wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same
way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do
not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may
devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not
tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (NIV 1 Co 7:3-5).
·
“The words “kata gnōsin” translated “considerate”
(more lit., “according to knowledge” or “with understanding”) points out that husbands should understand and be
considerate of their wives’ spiritual, emotional, and physical needs.
Eph 5:22-33 = husbands responsibility to protect and care
for his wife. “Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to
make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through
the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without
stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (NIV Eph
5:25-27). Peter further elaborates on treatment of a spouse: "Husbands,
in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat
them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the
gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers" (NIV 1 Pet. 3:7).
·
With this combination of scripture passages, it
is clear about how a married man is to treat his wife. Now the question
becomes, how are we supposed to treat girls that are not our wives, or how are
we supposed to treat girls if we are single?
How to Treat Young
women in the Body of Christ:
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he
were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and
younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (NIV 1 Ti 5:1-2).
Paul adds a caution about the younger women, where the
maintenance of purity in relationships is essential.
What does this mean to treat them like sisters? In what
manner? How does a man treat his sister? How have you treated your sisters in
the past? As a kid?
The
maintenance of purity in a relationship is essential! The members of the body
of Christ, your sisters for example, are to be treated like sisters if they are
a young girl, and if they are an older member of the church in the body of
Christ, they are to be treated like mothers… what is the underlying attitudes
here towards woman? Respect. The idea
here is, the epitome of the way we, as Christian men, should treat the opposite
sex is in a gentleman’s fashion. That is to say that we as men treat them with
full respect and complete consideration.
“Do not
move your neighbor’s boundary stone set up by your predecessors in the
inheritance you receive in the land the Lord your God is giving you to possess”
(Deut 19:14). What does it mean to have boundaries? Respect is something that
comes to mind. So then the question becomes, “how do we explain this respect?”
It seems to make sense in the minds of several different men that there are two
types of women (as viewed through their eyes) concerning respect: Those women
that are easily respected and those that are easily disrespected. This “lady”,
for example, may be both respected and disrespected by two different men. What
I am saying is that one man might respect a certain lady, while another man
might not have respect for the same lady.
A woman
you do not respect is the easy part to figure out. She wears very little, while
what she does wear, it is skin tight—practically painted on her; she has
promiscuous tendencies and a behavior that resembles a child’s. On the other
hand, the woman you do respect might not catch your eye at first, or if she
did, you might not think of her like that.
You might not see her through lenses of lust. You may however, think of her as
someone who is out of your league, because she is nothing like the other girls
that you are attracted to. She is a dedicated, innocent (in its true meaning),
loyal, interesting, intelligent, hard working person that people look up to, and have reason to do so. This is
the woman that you would probably find it easy to respect. If she is easy to
respect, it will be easier to draw these boundaries.
Why are
these boundaries important? Aside from the verse mentioned above that shows how
we are to treat younger women with absolute purity, what is another reason, or
further elaboration, that explains why boundaries are healthy not only
mentally, but spiritually as well? “Men move boundary stones; they pasture
flocks they have stolen” (NIV Job 24:2). It seems that the key word here is
“stolen.” In other words, it is obvious that we are to leave the boundaries
where they exist. You definitely know when you are in your neighbor’s yard, you can see your neighbor’s yard, there is nothing stopping you from entering your neighbor’s yard (even
fences don’t stop neighbors), but you definitely know that their yard is not
yours. You may not know exactly where
the boundary line is per se, but you definitely know when you crossed it (Cloud).
How do
we stop ourselves from pushing the boundary stone? We have already seen the
allusion that answers this question above: “Love your neighbor as yourself”
(NIV Matthew 22:39: see also Matthew 7:12). Does the man who moves the boundary
stone to pasture stolen flocks love his neighbor? He definitely does not. Respect
her and
love her.
Written by Nace Howell through the grace of the Lord Jesus
© Nace Howell, 2022
Works Cited
Cloud, Henry. Boundaries in Dating: making dating work. Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Zondervan: Grand Rapids, 2000).
Comments
Post a Comment